The most recent conflict I had was
with my husband, and it was actually about avoiding conflict. There was an issue I needed to deal with and
I kept postponing it because I knew it would lead to a conflict, I was using
escapist strategies. I usually try to
avoid conflict because I am afraid of affecting the relationships I have,
although I know that escapist strategies will not lead to healthy
relationships. My husband always tells
me that I need to confront people when I have a different opinion or when I do
not appreciate a comment or behavior. We
discussed this issue using the principles of nonviolent communication, we used
empathetic listening and observed each other’s feelings, needs and
requests. We also shared our feelings
about the issue using the 3 R’s through respectful, reciprocal, and responsive
interactions. We agreed on a solution,
which was for me to try to face conflict at least for important issues that
would affect our lives.
I am a
rather shy person, so I usually avoid putting myself in a situation that might
lead to conflict. That is why I need to
improve my communication skills to feel confident enough to face
conflicts.
Hi Ghayna,
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not a shy person at all, I try to avoid conflict at all cost. I have been in relationships where there was violence on the part of my husband and I was the one who was being beat. I made myself a promise to never engage in conflict anymore and I have not. I know the importance of standing up for yourself, but I have learned how to do it without causing confusion or problems. I am glad that you and your husband have the type of relationship you have. It is wonderful to be able to talk to each in a calm and respectful way and come up a compromise that is comfortable with the both of you. It sounds like you used many of the communication skills discussed this week. Excellent blog.
Ghayna,
ReplyDeleteMy husband is also the kind of person who avoids conflict at all costs and I am the person who always wants to address issues promptly whether they are uncomfortable or not. I think it is important for those of us that are more confrontational to consider the uneasiness people like you and my husband experience when conflict arises. Do you have any advice for how I should handle conflict with him?
April,
DeleteI do avoid conflict but never with my husband; I think that's because I feel more comfortable confronting him about issues. However, he used to avoid conflict with me and we worked on that a lot when we first got together. I think the best way to handle conflict is to start by showing your husband that you understand the way he feels and why he is behaving the way he is. I also show him that I understand him through active listening. That always helped me make him more comfortable talking about his feelings. I hope that helps!
My personality is one that doesn't avoid conflict, doesn't cause it, but will rise above it (except with family for some reason). At work I am the one that everyone comes to with their problems and I help them find a resolution. At home, I am the sister that many come to and talk through things. I am also the person within my family that when stresses get to me, I take them out on my husband. I don't mean to cause conflict, but it seems like its easier for me to do there than at work. hmpf! Working on it!
ReplyDeleteI was also very passive in my marriage. The one thing that I learned from the marriage and divorce is that being quiet doesn't solve the problem. I admire your relationship and the bond that allows you to discuss the fact that there is a problem. The solution comes when you are both willing and able to find a comfortable compromise. You may be a little shy, but there is something in you that commands respect.When you speak with peaceful power, everyone will listen.
ReplyDelete